You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
