even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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