I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
