Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
