I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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