it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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