oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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