im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how drunk are you?
Several
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