The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
