My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
