Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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