i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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