we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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