i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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