oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
