Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
