What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
