she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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