i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
do nipples grow back?
Randomize