my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
