I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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