1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
