I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
