Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck appropriateness.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
