apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
