I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
