I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
