had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
