it's like iHOP with fire
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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