her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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