I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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