yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
