Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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