The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
