I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize