i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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