bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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