Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
