I CAN MOONWALK!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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