forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We are two peas in an std pod
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
