I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
