She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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