Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
