I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
