...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
