Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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