i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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