Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
