What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
