I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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