He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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