just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
