I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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