Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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