im about as happy as oj after his trial
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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