Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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