is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
