Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
