this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
