Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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