shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
