i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
