Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
