If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
