I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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