tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
