I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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