you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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