he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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