Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
