if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
