We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize